The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage: Honest Book Review #4

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As part of my post-partum, new routine life, I’m spending quite a bit of time on my phone while feeding a newborn. Rather than aimlessly scrolling away at reels, I decided to download a reading app and in under two weeks, finished my first book: The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works. Naturally, my first instinct is to tell everyone I know about what I’ve read, so I’m doing that here, today.

This is the fourth honest book review on theblogmom.com. You can read my other reviews (and great book recommendations) here. One of my goals for 2023 was to read more. So far, I’ve read 4 which is actually terrible for it being November, but also it’s better than the two books I read last year. So, there’s growth.

This is section of the blog is for other avid readers. You get to receive a basic synopsis of the book, my opinions, and can then decide for yourself whether or not you actually want to pick it up. These are, obviously, my brutal honest opinions. They don’t have to be yours. If you’ve read this book, I would love for you to add your thoughts in the comment section.

Basic Breakdown

This book is unlike the typical marriage books that I’ve read in the past. Honestly, I was a bit skeptical of it at first because it isn’t written by a Christian author. It’s amazing to me how much of what she stated, though, had Biblical principals to it. Suzanne Venker didn’t beat around the bush and definitely delivered some hard to swallow pills in her book. What was the most refreshing to me was that she wasn’t afraid to go against the cultural norm and she gave some serious insight into how men think, feel, and act.

General Description

Suzanne Venker starts off by defining what an alpha female is, complete with a mini questionnaire to discover if you are in fact one. She then bases her entire book off of what alpha females tend to do in a marriage relationship. She argues about why that’s wrong and what a better answer is.

Her early chapters discuss why you should lay aside your alpha tendencies and be more beta in the home. She also gives practical tips and specific ways to do just that. Continually, in almost all of her chapters, she brings up how this goes against cultural norm or feminism.

Each chapter ends with practical applications and steps that you can take to improve your marriage in the area the chapter was talking about.

Favorite Quote

“… marriage is nothing more than a big, fat, giant exercise in learning to get over yourself. This is true for both sexes. There’s only one thing. Men are programmed to serve the woman they love…women, on the other hand, have been specifically groomed to never serve a man”.

My Opinions

The problem with today’s day and age is you read one marriage saving book, you’ve read them all. I’ve certainly felt that way with Christian book after Christian book that seems to claim new, never heard before insight that turns out to be more of the same. Women are supposed to respect their husbands, men are supposed to love their wives. Women like to talk, men talk with sex, so on and so forth.

What caused me to pick this up and give marriage advice another go? The title (and some slight desperation to read something that might improve my own marriage). I don’t know if I’ve ever considered myself a full blown alpha female, even if I have some alpha tendencies. In fact, when I compare myself to other type A personalities, I really feel like I’m a type B.

I think that changes, though, in my own home. Suzanne eluded to women who are stay at home moms as becoming quite assertive, demanding and “in charge” when it comes to the walls in their own home. That definitely struck a cord with me. When you run your own home and start ordering your children around, it’s easy to treat your husband (who doesn’t know where you keep half the items in your home) the same way. Poor Bert.

What I Appreciated

Don’t get me wrong, The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage doesn’t turn you into a doormat. Rather, it shows how you don’t have to have your guard up in front of your man. It provides relief, actually, because you can actually be the feminine woman you are around him.

This book definitely gave me a lot of key takeaways to think about. What I really appreciated was her practical steps at the end to apply in marriage. Suzanne also clearly suggested how it is that men act and what it is that they want in life as well. Her insight in the men area almost felt like “ah” moments and made complete sense to me.

For this book not being written by a Christian author, it almost surprised me by how many of her suggestions reminded me of Biblical teachings. Ideas like serving your husband and staying silent brought to mind different Proverbs I’ve read before. If you can stomach an occasional curse word, this book is the one for you.

Recommendation

Certainly, anyone in marriage that has looked for answers to marital problems in a bookstore is going to be able to share a recommendation of a book that drastically changed their way of thinking and improved their marriage. After only 7 years of marriage, I can’t say I’ve read a ton of marriage books.

Of the books I have read, though, there’s certainly favorites I would recommend to another. Right now, the two books on marriage I would recommend to anyone are The Most Important Year in a Man/Woman’s Life, and The Five Love Languages. If you read The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage and liked it, I would check out those two for sure.